Common Questions
Q: My son doesn’t see much playing time during games. Is there anything I can do as his mother to change this? SM, Oregon
A: First, if your son is in a youth league there are most certainly rules about playing time. I would encourage you to check on those rules to assure yourself he is seeing the field for his appropriately designated time. If your find that your coach is following the rules then let me move to a more direct answer to your question.
And that is: NO. An important question to ask is this is an issue for you or your son?
I believe that we as parents want to take suffering away from our children…and the way we do that is to try and make what they want appear magically before their eyes. Intervening in coaches choices has never resulted in a positive outcome for kids. Many parents think they have the power to “make their kids happy” and try to do so by “encouraging” a coach to give their son playing time…whether we feel he has earned it or not. Doing so can really damage your son’s self-esteem and it also creates stress in his relationship with the other players.
It is more important to ask yourself first if you believe your son’s talent is equivalent to the other players who do play. You do not mention his age but regardless of age it has been my experience it will be his talent that will dictate whether he experiences playing time.
Secondly, your son may be quite comfortable with his playing time and understand and accept the coaches’ reasons for not playing him. If, and only if he brings his playing time up to you, should you even make it an issue. Most kids recognize if other players are more talented and they accept it, especially if their parents do. Just salute his ability when he sees game time, no matter how small the success. Encourage him to have fun, especially during youth baseball. If he continues to play baseball as he grows older it becomes serious enough, soon enough.
Q: Should my son play year round baseball? KA, Nevada
A: I would have to know more about your son but by asking yourself some questions you may come to your own answer. Is your son self-disciplined? Does he awaken every day wanting to play baseball or is this something you or your husband thinks he “should” do? How old is he? Some kids can take the rigors of a year round sport because they love it so much. I used to say my son married young, he married baseball. But not all kids are ready for that kind of commitment or dedication. If they immerse themselves into a sport too deeply and are not ready for it they will burn out. Burn out has taken many a talented athlete away from a sport.
Ask yourself the above questions and then give yourself the opportunity to ask your son some of the same questions. If he is to play seriously (into high school, college, or beyond) it will soon enough become a job. If he is young (13 years and younger) give him some room to breathe. I still believe that playing multiple sports, if your son is inclined, allows him the opportunity to discover his own passion in his own time.
Q: My son is 15 years old, plays baseball as well as other sports for his high school, and there is a conflict between his coaches and the workouts they want him to do. What is the best way to handle this? ND, Iowa
A: Different sports require different workouts, especially football v baseball. It totally depends upon the position he plays as a baseball player. The greatest risk he will face is if one sport deems he develops a strong, muscular body and one sport deems he be strong but limber.
If he wants to continue playing multiple sports I would encourage him to ask his coaches to work together to create a regimen so the exercises in his workouts are not in conflict with one another. If your son is not comfortable approaching his coaches, especially if he is a minor, you and/or his father may need to speak to the coaches regarding this issue. Before you do this, however, I would do your homework and talk to a certified sports trainer to find out what kinds of exercises he should be doing to play in the various sports based on his position in these sports. Every city has a certified sports trainer and you can get books at the library or book stores on these issues.
I would say, by example, if your son is a line backer in football and a pitcher in baseball his workouts will definitely be in conflict so a compromise will have to be reached in order to keep him safe physically. (I am not suggesting your education be used to challenge the coaches but knowing the strength of your position will help them know you have done your homework and are seriously invested in taking care of your son’s health.) Most, if not all coaches at the high school level, will work harmoniously to create a balanced program for a student athlete.
Q: Should my son play multiple sports in high school? JC, South Carolina
A: I think it totally depends upon your son. Again, so many questions asked me simply lead to more questions. Is he strong academically? Are the sports in conflict by season or by requirements? Are the coaching staffs willing to work with each other to design synergistic programs for the multiple sports athletes? Does your son want to play multiple sports or is this a choice you are making for him?
If he does play multiple sports, his biggest benefit will come when he begins seeking college admission. Many colleges love two or three sport athletes even though they may play only one of those sports in college. Athletics can create a strong sense of purpose and keep your son sufficiently busy to keep him “out of trouble” in high school. But that should not be the reason he plays. It should be because he loves to play and is good at it. He doesn’t have to excel in every sport, but it would be good if he was good or above-average in at least one of the sports he chooses.
Q: You seem to support kids making some of these decisions for themselves? My son can’t decide what to do about anything, let alone making big decisions for his life? If I don’t push him into doing things he would just sit home and do nothing. DD, San Diego
A: I don’t know about you but I am never good at anything if I am pushed by someone else to do it, even if I innately have the talent (or even the desire) for the activity. Baseball, or any sport for that matter, can only be played in excellence if the player wants to show up for it. I would ask you: Are you prepared to live your life for your son until you die? If you are, there is still a good chance that he will outlive you and then what will he do? I believe our job as parents is to help our sons and daughters make as many “right” decisions as they can make for themselves so they will learn that they have to live with the consequences of the decisions they make. It is our job to inspire, influence, and help our experiences guide them into their own lives somehow. But we as parents do too much for our kids and then get disappointed when they don’t live up to our expectations.
Perhaps one answer to this dilemma is to offer him a couple of options so he does not “sit around” and waste his potential. Some options could be to get a job, mow lawns for the summer, take dance lessons, etc, or play baseball. Most kids would choose baseball…but don’t let that keep him away from reasonable household chores. After all, even when we get to do what we want, the trash still needs to be taken out.
I can only tell you if your son is not involved in the decision making process in his own life then in the long run his life circumstances will make decisions for him. Teach him early and often to make decisions so he can understand their consequences. Always, ALWAYS, be there to guide him but help him know he is strong enough, smart enough, and capable enough to handle his own life.
Q: How many scholarships do college baseball programs provide? KR, Dana Point
A: College baseball programs have 11.7 scholarships to share with their approximately 25 player rosters. That is why it is rare for a player to receive a full scholarship to any college. Generally, players who demand that kind of “ride” are often taken in the major league draft and never step a foot on a college campus until after their baseball career has ended. Like all things, however, there are exceptions to that rule.
Q: Our son is 11 years old and my husband and I are debating whether or not he should play on a travel baseball team. Do you have any information regarding whether this is a good idea or should we wait until he is older. SC, California
A: Travel ball is a wonderful experience for most kids but it depends upon who your son is playing for and what position he plays. I offer those caveats for the following reasons. While travel teams are usually quite competitive, they simply are developmental teams and the coaches who are coaching them should (from my perspective) teach his players baseball fundamentals. If winning is all a traveling team coach wants to do then I would say shop for another team or wait until the right opportunity appears. If you are in an area…and have more than one travel team to chose from or try out for…then I have been told by more than one coach that it is important for the parents to interview the coaches, especially if your son pitches.
If your son is a pitcher be certain that he takes proper care of his arm and that his coach does not over throw him. This is especially critical if he also plays in a community league. And watch his pitch count. Travel ball is a little more demanding than just throwing in a community little league environment. Teams are not held to the same scrutiny as teams that fall under the rules and regulations of USA Baseball. That means it is the parents job to hold these coaches to higher standards and to protect their sons. I would also recommend getting your son into a training program early so he can develop core strength, something that will protect him as he grows and matures in the sport.
I would say yes, let him play if you feel he is safe and learning something. It was a great learning experience for our son and we had a lot of fun!
Q: My son is a junior and plays Varsity baseball for his high school. He is a good baseball payer in our area but has not received much attention from colleges. He really wants to play for a college team. Is it appropriate for us to contact the college coaches at the schools he is interested in? FB, California
A: Yes, your son can contact colleges. No, you should not. I tell everyone that college recruiting is a business and your son is his best salesman. You can find more detailed information in my book Diamond Moms, A Mother’s Guide to Raising a Baseball Player.
First have your son choose a few colleges that interest him, paying attention to Division II and III programs and community colleges as well. Once his decision making process is through, have him call the athletic departments to find out who is in charge of their recruiting. If possible and if he is available, ask to speak directly to the recruiting coach. If this is not an option ask for his email or get it from the school’s website.
If your son gets the opportunity to speak directly to the coach he should introduce himself and identify the school he is playing for, and then inquire if it would be appropriate for him to send written information regarding his baseball skills directly to the coach. If he is unable to speak directly to the recruiting coach, he can email the coach with his information asking for permission to forward his resume and stats to him.
If the recruiting coach requests information then a cover letter should be prepared and a light resume created that outlines your son’s baseball highlights such as grade point average, height, weight, indicate right/left hand, positions played, awards, highlights of his high school career (ERA, batting average, on base percentage, etc) with pictures if possible. If he has some outstanding skill such as a good strike to ball ratio or high batting average, make sure you mention these things. Some schools will ask for a video but most will want to see paperwork first before compounding their work load with additional material. These coaches will also follow up with your son’s high school coaches to find out what kind of player and person he is. It is not unlike applying for a job.
Make sure your son knows to be honest, rehearsed, and respectful when he contacts these coaches. They are looking for young men who have a strong sense of themselves and who are dedicated to their future. If your son is willing, rehearse his presentation with him. One last thing:
Never contact the college for your son. It is his job to do this.
Q: My son is 10 years old. Should he throw a curve ball? DWB, New York
A: There is a safe way to learn this pitch for a 10 year old but most coaches do not know how to teach it. The reason a curve ball can hurt your son’s arm is that most kids turn their elbows as they release the ball in order to get the ball to “curve.” This can be devastating to your son’s elbow, especially on a developing body where bones, muscles, and tendons are still growing.
If you believe your son has some talent (believe it or not it will show up as early as 10) then I would recommend you seek out professional coaching for him. If that is unavailable or not an option you can join the National Pitching Association for $50 a year and submit inquiries to them. Their website is HYPERLINK "http://www.nationalpitching.com/" www.nationalpitching.com. If even that is not an option then I would turn to books on pitching. I am a fan of Coach Tom House and recommend his books which can also be found on the National Pitching website.
As the parent of a pitcher you will want your son to eventually have an experienced coach (former big league pitcher if possible) to guide and mentor him.
Q: My son won’t talk to me about baseball or when we do talk he kind of “blows me off.” I hate to admit it but I feel upset by this. What can I do? VM, Texas
A: I guess I would first ask, did you listen to your parents when you were his age, especially if it was something they had never been part of? When our son reached a certain age I knew he could no longer hear me so I enlisted the help of a third party. Don’t discount the importance or value of a third, objective party. It can be a grandparent, an uncle, or a sports psychologist. Just don’t take his objections personally. Kids ignoring parents have been part of human evolution since probably the cave man! I mean, look at Adam & Eve!
I was advised by a former major league player turned coach that it is hard for developing players to listen to anyone who has not played the sport. In the same way that it is hard to take child-rearing advice from single friends who do not have children, our sons have a hard time hearing anything we might want to say. Just listen, be patient, and in time they will come to you for things that matter.
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